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286 Responses to The Jokes

  1. TV says:

    Knock knock,
    Whos there?
    Chuck Noris!
    Chuck Noris who?
    …?
    Sorry, jokes over when Chuck Noris gets involved!

  2. TV says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get up in the morning, put on his boots, and get ready for work; he gets up expecting his boots to already be on while his work gets ready for him!

  3. Chuck Norris says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t win, he allows you to loose.

  4. Snackbar says:

    To figure out how many women Chuck Norris has been with, ask him, take the number he gives you, and divide it by zero.

  5. Sowmya says:

    How do I download the jokes from your repository into a file?? Plz help..

  6. Mike says:

    Chuck Norris told the Most Interesting Man in the World that he can only drink Dos Equis.

  7. Robin Böhm says:

    If you are using other first and lastname,
    some jokes will fail.

    CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

    CNN was originally created as the “Robin Böhm Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

    May fix there? Something link

    PeusdoCode e.g.
    fistname.charAt(0).upperCase() + lastname.charAt(0).upperCase()

    Rob

    • admin says:

      Yeah, good point. Although the joke does not really make sense of you make it “RBN was originally created as the “Robin Böhm Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.”. This actually is a joke which is not suited for other names than Chuck Norris.

  8. Daksh says:

    First of all thank you for creating such beautiful database of Chuck Norris Jokes and for creating such web services so others can use it on various platform.

    I made an application using your JSON API in Android in which jokes are coming from your webservices in real time and I counted that there are total 567 jokes are there in the database. Can you please upload more?

    Here is my link to the application on Google Play Chuck Norris Jokes on Google Play

    I also mention your website in app description and in credits in application for providing such large database of jokes.

  9. Jason smith says:

    Was hoping to add to the joke list with a few of my own

    1) Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s Secret

    Or

    2) On his 16th birthday,Chuck Norris turned 21 and could legally drink.

  10. Tomer says:

    Chuck Norris can restore an Oracle database.

  11. Lance C says:

    Here’s two of my faves. Chuck Norris once pitched a no hitter from the bullpen. Chuck Norris wrestled an anaconda for five hours before he realized he was masturbating.

  12. Jacob Duncan says:

    There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ beard…just another fist.

  13. Richard Futch says:

    Tornados occur when Chuck Norris sneezes.

  14. Mr T says:

    There’s a LOT of nerdsville/SHIT Chuck Norris jokes on there…

    The big ones are shite!!!

    Check some of these out…

    ….

    Chuck Norris can understand women.

    Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.

    Sharks have a Chuck Norris week.

    Chuck Norris can speak Russian in Chinese.

    Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.

    Chuck Norris can open a tin of paint with his dick.

    Chuck Norris’s dog pick’s up his own shit because Chuck Norris does take shit from anyone.

    Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

    Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, now they’re called The Islands!

    Specsavers should have gone to Chuck Norris.

    When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity – Twice.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it!

    Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month, they bleed for a week because of it.

    Chuck Norris gives the sun cancer.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

    Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

    Chuck Norris won XFactor using sign language.

    Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

    Alcohol has a Chuck Norris problem.

    Chuck Norris got a Big Mac at Burger King.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    Chuck Norris can beat Madeleine Mccann at hide & seek.

    Chuck Norris is the only guy to read twilight & not be gay.

    Jesus may be able to walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

    Chuck Norris can tell a black joke without looking over his shoulder.

    Kyle Minogue wishes she had an ass like Chuck Norris.

    If you flip over China its says made by Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can see around corners with his penis.

    Chuck Norris can pick an apple from a pear tree & make the best god damm lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

  15. Larry M. says:

    Chuck Norris can’t beat a game unless he cheats because being Chuck Norris is a cheat.

    Chuck Norris beat the story line a game with no story line.

  16. dull.anomal says:

    When zombies bite Chuck Norris, zombies become Chuck Norris

  17. ian says:

    Chuck Norris CAN have his cake and eat it too.

  18. nick says:

    Why does the wind blow you might ask? Chuck Norris breathes.

  19. Donald Miller says:

    Everybody farts, But only Chuck Norris can break wind.

  20. Duncan says:

    In space, Chuck Norris can hear you scream.

  21. Duncan says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t need to kill time. Time just runs away.

  22. Bobby S. says:

    Bright light before you die = glint from Chuck Norris’s pearly whites

  23. Steve Jobs says:

    Chuck Norris isn’t as good as Bruce Lee

  24. noelia says:

    you have a spelling error. “CHick norris?”

  25. Rusty Rob says:

    Chuck Norris does not wear a black belt. He wears a live black momba.

  26. Hannu says:

    In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. Because Chuck Norris allowed it.

    • iiand says:

      In the beginning God created the heaven, the earth, and everything inside them including Chuck Norris. Because Chuck Norris allowed it.

  27. Tim Badger says:

    Burger King once had 2 Chuck Norris based menu items. The Knuckle Sandwich and the Roundhouse Kickers. However they were removed due to the increase in dentures among customers

  28. Tim Badger says:

    If Chuck Norris sees his shadow, ya have 6 weeks to live

  29. Alan says:

    Poison ivy itches after Chuck Norris touches it.

    • magic bananas says:

      when chuck Norris uses the expression “when pigs fly” the entire evolutionary chain changes out of fear

  30. gavin davis says:

    The dinosaurs crossed Chuck Norris once. Once

  31. bert says:

    Nice quality collection! A few too many programmer-inside facts
    for my taste, since I can’t understand ’em! But it’s all good.
    May I submit some of mine, and if so how, and if so is there a
    character limit? As some recently catalogued facts require a
    small paragraph to say.

    • admin says:

      I haven’t come around updating the API for several years, but maybe I should do that one of these days :) Anyway, if you want to suggest some jokes, just post them here in the comments. Haven’t thought about a character limit yet, I’ll see what it gives.

  32. james says:

    chuck norris dad didnt make chuck norris chuck norris made himself

  33. bert says:

    Very prompt reply for not having been on here for several
    years, admin; cheers! Two things of some urgency: a) I noticed
    on another page of this site that CNFs (Chuck Norris facts)
    were reffered to as ‘jokes.’ Now that’s fine, so long as your
    goal is a roundhouse kick to the face. For your own saftey,
    beware ridiculing Chuck. Everyone knows, there are no Chuck
    Norris jokes, only Chuck Norris facts. And b) What’s this I see
    about substituting your own name in a CNF??? Good lord, are
    you searching for new methods of commiting suicide?? This idea
    is tantamount to sacrilege, as I’m sure all will agree. Before
    the bodies pile up any higher, this ridiculous option must be
    discontinued, and Chuck’s forgiveness ardently begged for. In
    fact, it may be too late for you, but perhaps you can still
    save this site, if you act fast. Godspeed, poor, foolish boy.
    Our prayers shall be with thee. And as a final piece of advice,
    may I just suggest that you keep a sharp eye for roundhouses.

  34. wangsu says:

    Chuck Norris can lock a safe and keep the key inside it.

  35. Lima says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t fly,the sky crawls under chuck Norris.

  36. Leighton says:

    Chuck Norris can send text messages via a public telephone

  37. Jason says:

    Chuck Norris dropped his used condem in the sewer, 9 months later the ninja turtle’s were born!

    • scared of CN says:

      Chuck Norris isn’t Shit…

      Be careful with your words.

      Also, Chuck norris makes fun of shit, and then shit burns itself down.

  38. ArtGasp says:

    God didn’t work on Sunday because Chuck Norris told him to stop making noise on his day off

  39. J Levy says:

    Please update the categorizations on the jokes. Specifically need to add the explicit tag to a number of jokes. We had to remove our dashboard widget because of complaints.

  40. […] a website using my first ever API!!!! Whaaaat?! That’s official programmer-stuff! I found a Chuck Norris joke database, that supplied a JSONP API that I decided to use. The internet is a crazy […]

  41. Who you callin P1NH34D? says:

    Lel

  42. Jason Fry says:

    Chuck Norris can use the number 2 in binary code.

  43. magic bananas says:

    chuck Norris’s computer doesn’t freeze because of slow internet, it freezes out of terror

  44. magic bananas says:

    chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in

  45. magic bananas says:

    when I told my mom I beat chuck Norris in a fighting game, she told me to stop telling lies

  46. Austin says:

    I heard that Chuck Norris can pick Oranges from an Apple tree, and make the best goddamn Lemonade you’ve ever tasted…

  47. Julie says:

    Chuck Norris captured all Pokemon in Pokemon Go…
    …using a landline.

  48. Hans says:

    Chuck Norris can play Star Spangled Banner in D-minor on a vuvuzela.

  49. charlie says:

    when chuck Norris visited the cold arctic, he melted through to china.

  50. Sergey Kirienko says:

    When two sumos fight in arena, Chuck Norris always wins.

  51. igabesz says:

    Chuck Norris once said to Wolverine, ‘Hey Wolvie, aren’t 4 claws a little too much?’ Since then, Wolverine uses 3 claws only.

  52. Jeff says:

    Chuck Norris’s computer doesn’t have autocorrect because know one tells chuck Norris he’s wrong

  53. Troll says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t play hide and seek he plays hide and pray I don’t find you

  54. Dipstick says:

    Loving it guys try this one on for size
    Chuck Norris puts sunglasses on to protect the sun from his eyes

  55. majic man says:

    If Chuck Norris looked in the mirror, the reflection would come out of the mirror and build a mountain called mount. norris and on top of it there would be a temple for chuck norris and olny he would be able to reach it.

  56. Shablam0_82 says:

    Here’s some more jokes to add to your collection!

    Superman and Chuck Norris once had an arm wrestling contest. The loser had to wear their underpants on the outside.

    Chuck Norris has been to Mars, why else is there no life there?

    What the Bible doesn’t say is that Mary had twins when Jesus was born. The second child was Chuck Norris.

    Apollo 13 screwed up because Chuck Norris was getting bored.

    Chuck Norris already caught’em all, on a home phone!

    At E3, they left Chuck Norris to try out the new game Terraria. When they got back, he was playing it in 3D.

    The roundhouse kick was invented when Chuck Norris slipped on a banana peel. It wasn’t how his foot flew upwards, it was his reaction to the banana.

    • Shablam0_82 says:

      Did I forget to mention…

      Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his faucet, he stares at it until it cries.

      When you see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris sees you. When you can’t see Chuck Norris, you’re probably seconds away from death.

      Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

      Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

      Saturn was created when Chuck Norris proposed to Gena.

      Chuck Norris made the sun by rubbing his hands together.

      Chuck Norris urinated in a truck once as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

      Legos were invented when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a plastic factory.

      Chuck Norris was invited to fight the strongest man in the world. Then he realized that it would be stupid to fight himself.

      • randy says:

        Chuck Norris had to sub for Atlas one time, but instead of holding the world with his arm and shoulder, he use his right pinky finger.

  57. Nina says:

    that makes no since at all lol

  58. Pingas says:

    Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet. It’s not dead, it’s just too afraid to move

  59. Dave Long says:

    Hurricanes evacuate from Chuck Norris

  60. the splendid Bezimeni says:

    lolololololol i have been laughing till tears flow uncontrollably. now everyone in the office think i’m high. love these jokes. tnx xo much

  61. scared of CN says:

    So I walked pass CN once, and didnt realize it because he shined too bright.

  62. scared of CN says:

    The darkness is afraid of Chuck Norris

  63. Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in one move by moving his pawn named Check Norris!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Pete says:

      When chuck norris plays chess, he only uses the king and queen because all the other pieces get in his way and then gives the pieces to his opponent because they need all the help they can get. Once the game commences it is over after the first move…
      not after HIS first move, but after THE first move, and he always defers the first move (again to give his opponent all the help they can get)
      In chucks lengthy chess career he has racked up a record of 1858-0…
      without touching a single chess piece…
      except to hand his extras to his opponent

  64. Chuck Norris’ teacher gave an assignment telling what courage realy is so he turned in a blank paper with his name at the top and got an A+

  65. Devlin McGuire says:

    death once had a near-chuck experience!!!!!!!

  66. Devlin McGuire says:

    chuck norris died 20 years ago, the only problem was that the grim-reaper was too scared to tell him

  67. Devlin McGuire says:

    the round-house kick was named when chuck norris round-house kicked a house so hard it turned into a circle

  68. Andrew says:

    Lance Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, Chuck Norris was the first man to walk on the sun.

    P.S. He owns a cabon on the sun.

  69. Dat Boi says:

    Once Chuck Norris fought deadpool. He permenantly became a dead pool

  70. colin says:

    why does it rain? chuck Norris pees

  71. Me have no name me is dead! says:

    If I called Chuck Norris a girlyman how long do you think it would argggg arggg argggggggggg!” Chuck killed me. “

  72. Me have no name me is dead! says:

    Chuck Nortis jumped from the top of a building,the ground dide’nt make it.

  73. Me have no name me is dead! says:

    Chuck fought superman in a bet the loser had to wear underpants on the outside

  74. Me have no name me is dead! says:

    Chuck fought superman in a bet the loser had to wear underpants on the outside of his pants

  75. orangejuice says:

    Chuck Norris passed his calculus class by walking in, grabbing the wall, and throwing it at the teacher.

  76. Misplaced, comma says:

    Chuck Norris’s mayonnaise is an instrument.

  77. Abdul Aziz Mofo says:

    One time ago, Chuck Norris was bitten by the big black King Cobra. Three hours later, the King Cobra died

  78. FashSniper135 says:

    chuck norris played collage football in high school

  79. FashSniper135 says:

    the big bang theory was chuck norris cracking his knuckles

  80. FashSniper135 says:

    chuck norris went to mars once… that is why there are no signs of life there

  81. John says:

    Chuck Norris does not need close quarters marksmanship training. When he walks into a room with armed terrorists, everyone immediately dies in fright.

    There once was a man from Nantucket…Chuck Norris paralyzed him from the neck down.

    Chuck Norris and a group of cowboys were talking about how tough each of them are at a campfire. One said “I got hit by a horse with both hooves at the same time.” Second one said “I had a pissed off bull gore me in the side.” The third said “I got shot twice in the chest…almost died.” Chuck said nothing while stirring the coals of the fire with his penis.

    Shang Tsung learned how to steal souls from Chuck Norris

    Midway attempted to put Chuck Norris into Mortal Kombat but decided against it due to programming errors with each button performing a roundhouse kick. When asked about this glitch Chuck said “What glitch?”

    God allowed Chuck Norris to be created as the deterrent against the Anti-Christ. Why else has all the doomsday predictions since he was born proven to be false?

  82. illuminati says:

    Chuck Norris created universe and god in a roundhouse kick,and then kicked god so much faster than the speed of light god went back to the time Norris created the universe and then history repeats itself

  83. Johnathon Davis says:

    Chuck Norris once asked KoRn If they were ready

  84. Cate Rhino says:

    Chuck Norris trims his razor with his beard.

  85. Chuck Norris says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t turn the light off, he turns the darkness on.

  86. crystal mills says:

    chuck Norris got his drivers license by starring at a car

  87. Tim Quillin says:

    Chuck Norris spends his holidays slicing fruitcake with his penis and feeding it to hungry children. Have a merry Christmas!

  88. cool says:

    When medusa looks at you you turn to stone, when chuck norris looks at you you turn into dust.

  89. Kurt Wurthrop says:

    It never gets foggy around Chuck Norris. But sometimes he allows the clouds to come down and be near him.

    (As far as I know, this is an original one I thought up).

  90. Rey says:

    Adam and Eve were kicked out of paradise because Chuck Norris moved in.

  91. Rey says:

    Chuck Norris once looked sick in the face, then sick ran away.

  92. Rey says:

    Chuck Norris was once close to death, then he let go of death’s throat.

  93. Chuck Norris once played hide’n’seek when he was 15. He was found when he was 47. How? He hid on The Sun.

  94. Chuck Norris says:

    Have you a God complex? well God has a Chuck Norris complex

  95. Heintz says:

    In the evening Chuck Norris put a mousetrap. In the morning he ate bearmeat.

  96. Lonkhood says:

    Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people… Then the grenade blew up

  97. That Guy says:

    Chuck Norris was bit by a rattlesnake. After 7 days of excruciating pain, the rattlesnake died.

  98. Nathan says:

    WHY DOES He raondHaose Kik YOU?

  99. Lotte says:

    Chuck Norris never eats honey, he chews the bees!

  100. Chuck Norris Molested Woman says:

    I did the google search. It came up with 983,000 results.

  101. Gig says:

    Chuck Norris caused an E5 tornado by looking back

  102. Gig says:

    Chuck Norris tried smoking but the cigarette quit

  103. Lisa says:

    Chuck Norris does not pee urine, Chuck Norris pees blood.

  104. Lisa says:

    Chuck Norris does not flush his toilet, his toilet flushes for him in fear.

  105. Evanskii says:

    omg a swear a swear!!!! agggghhhhhh

  106. Michael says:

    Chuck Norris is so tough, it took Bruce Lee nearly 20 minutes to kill him

  107. joe says:

    When Chuck Norris masturbates, he’s uses a mixture of comet and brillo pads.

  108. QWERTY says:

    CHUCK NORRIS turned medusa to stone then ate her with whipped cream.

  109. QWERTY says:

    When CHUCK NORRIS enlisted to the army not one shot was fired the enemy ran in terror of CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  110. chuck chuck says:

    CHUCK NORRIS WOKE UP THE SLEEPINGBAG.

  111. JOHNSON says:

    sharks were created when chuck norris down cutted a whale!

  112. Taco_Derp says:

    Chuck norris has already been to mars, thats why there are no signs of life there.

  113. bigkick86 says:

    Loved these ones..

    When Chuck goes on a hike, the grizzly bears watch out for him.

    When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, the sharks get out of the ocean.

    Chuck Norris must be a forgiving man, after all, Jesus came back.

    Chuck Norris can’t fight ISIS, it just wouldn’t be fair.

    In 1945, the U.S. Dropped a Chuck Norris over Hiroshima.

  114. bigkick86 says:

    Once upon a time, Chuck Norris.

    The End.

  115. bigkick86 says:

    Lastly,

    Chuck Norris uses a magnifying glass to burn the sun

  116. vecko25 says:

    How many push-ups Chuck Norris does when he is working-out?
    He does all of them.

  117. jamie garland says:

    chuck norris is the only one that can touch mc hammer

  118. jamie garland says:

    chuck norris has a bear rug its not dead just scared to move

  119. jamie garland says:

    chuck norris threw a hand grenade killed 100 people then it exploded

  120. Maurice says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have an alcohol problem. Alcohol has a problem with Chuck Norris.

  121. De Money says:

    Chuck Norris started Runescape
    with Infinity +1 in all his stats

  122. Scooper says:

    Yo mama is so stupid she called Chuck Norris ugly… No one has seen her since.

  123. breed6903 says:

    The reason Godzilla is never in the US because Chuck doesnt allow it.

  124. Will Bastian says:

    Chuck Norris sounds like a 3 peat.

  125. flip says:

    Chuck Norris can text from a rotary phone.

  126. flip says:

    Chuck Norris uses a binary abacus.

  127. Alexf says:

    Chuck noris threw a gernade killed 50 people then it exploded

  128. JCN2305 says:

    -Prior to 1996, Pfizer, the drug company, experimented with a pill to treat Erectile Dysfunction. However, after trials demonstrated that the main ingredient, Chuck Norris’ sweat, had the unintended side effects of 12 week erections and the unintentional impregnation of every woman who came within 50 feet of the treated man, Pfizer quietly changed the formula to use mainly Sildenafil Citrate – giving us, in 1998, what we know today as ‘Viagra.’

    -When a man gazes at Medusa, that man turns to stone. When Chuck Norris gazes at Medusa, Medusa gets pregnant.

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  130. Jason Todd says:

    Chuck Norris once had two pets a lizard and a fish which are now known as Godzilla and jaws

  131. freddy says:

    Chuck Norris can cut a hot knife with a stick of butter

    Some people ride their bike without the handlebars, Chuck Norris rides the handlebars without the bike

    Chucks blood type is AK-47

    Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded

    Chuck Norris gives the sun a tan

    Chuck once killed 79 terrorists, then flipped off the safety and shot 180 more

    Chuck Norris doesn’t give you the wrong answer, you give him the wrong question

  132. Mark says:

    The Joke is actually “If Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into The Hulk. If the Hulk gets angry, He turns into Chuck Norris. If Chuck Norris Gets angry, RUN”

  133. hi says:

    the only time chuck Norris was wrong is when he thought he made a mistake

  134. Chuck Norris says:

    Chuck Norris refers to his ‘friends with benefits’ as just friends as he doesn’t need benefits.

  135. Chuck Norris says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t beat around the bush. He beats it.

  136. Chuck Norris says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t mind putting all of his eggs in one basket.

  137. Chuck norris says:

    I am chuck Norris stop making jokes about me or I’ll round house kick your face

  138. god walks on water chuck norris swims on land

  139. Neb E. says:

    When Chuck Norris plays Call of Duty, he doesn’t need any weapon. He just roundhouse kicks Makarov.

  140. Neb E. says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t pee urine, he pees gasoline.

  141. Neb E. says:

    When Chuck Norris enters a room full of naked women, they don’t try to cover themselves. They bend over and hope he’ll rape and spare them.

    • Neb E says:

      Here is a rewording:
      When Chuck Norris enters a room full of naked women, they don’t try to cover themselves. They bend over and hope he’ll take what he wants and not kill them.

  142. Neb E says:

    There is a reason all the women superheroes (Wonder Woman, Bat-Girl, etc.) are single: they all had sex with Chuck Norris.

  143. Neb E says:

    Chuck Norris wanted to have sex with the sexiest girl in the world. So he cloned himeself, made the clone a woman, and had sex with her.

  144. Neb E says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t eat. He rips out the nutrients from the food and shoves them up his throat.

  145. Neb E says:

    When Chuck Norris has sex with a woman, he loosens her hole so much, she cannot have sex with anybody else. These women are called “old maids”.

  146. Neb E says:

    If Chuck Norris anagramed his name, he’d get “Destroyer of World, Thief of Virginity, and Creator of all things Badass”. If you thinking to yourself “Hey, that’s not his anagramed name!”, you are probably already dead if you’re male, or robbed of your virginity if you’re female.

  147. Dave Starchild says:

    Chuck Norris pee’d on a flower and it grew up to become the amazon rain forest.

  148. Brian says:

    Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

  149. Brian says:

    Chuck Norris once faced Death. Death got scared and ran away.

  150. Antony says:

    Chuck can light a fire with two ice cubes

  151. Mr T says:

    I’m back!

    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

    Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s Secret.

    Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

  152. Alpha Wolf says:

    Chuck norris looked at a rock in space. It lit on fire and we now know this as the sun

  153. CLAUDTHELORD says:

    CHUCK NORRIS DOES NOT PRAY TO GOD , GOD PRAYS TO CHUCK INSTEAD !

  154. Chad James says:

    When chuck norris ejaculates, a fetus comes out.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have a colon, Because he doesn’t take no shit.

  155. Chad James says:

    Chuck Norris doesnt have a colon, because he doesnt take no shit.

    When Chuck Norris ejaculates, a fetus comes out.

  156. DieselJester says:

    Chuck Norris was born on March 10, 1940. Germany surrenders in World War 2 a couple of months later when they receive the news. Coincidence? I think not.

    Chuck Norris drinks oil and pisses out diesel fuel.

    Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris does not cry.

    There are 7.5 Billion people in the world… people that Chuck Norris is allowing to live.

  157. Liquid says:

    Chuck Norris is so fast, he can answer a Missed Call.

  158. Liquid says:

    Chuck Norris tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries.

    Chuck Norris got an A+ for writing down his name

  159. Nissa says:

    Chuck Norris eats rice with one chop stick.

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  161. Jereremy says:

    It is considered a great accomplishment to go down niagra falls in a barrel. Chuck norris goes up niagra falls in a cardboard box.

  162. anonymous says:

    I’m not saying I’m Chuck Norris, only that no one has ever seen Chuck Norris and I at the same time.

  163. Sam Petri says:

    The sun wears eclipse glasses when it looks at Chuck Norris.

  164. Mihai says:

    Chuck Norris can win Le Tour De France using a hydrocycle.

  165. Mbikola says:

    >> Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.
    >> Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.
    This is very, very wrong. You’ll anger him. Should be opposite:
    1. Chuck Norris can read from an output stream;
    2. Chuck Norris can write to an input stream;

  166. Fabio says:

    Once time a snake bit Chuck Norris, after days of pain and suffering, the snake died

  167. fjames says:

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  169. Marko Dash says:

    If Chuck Norris doesn’t seem to give a fuck anymore, i don’t get it, the last time he let someone else use one of his fucks Jesus happened.

  170. Nebiyu Esayas says:

    When God made Chuck Norris, he used his own DNA.
    Hydrogen bombs are human versions of Chuck’s crap.
    The Fallout series is a true story. It’s what happens when Chuck Norris finds out they stopped making M1911’s.

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  172. Tepro says:

    When Chuck Norris was a kid, he slept with Tails Doll every night.

  173. Mothman says:

    There’s a typo in this one:

    “Chuck Norris doesn’t have pubic hairs because hair doesn’t grow on balls of steal.”

    It must be “balls of steel”.

  174. Larry smith says:

    Why did Rosa Parks not get up from her seat that day….she was saving it for Chuck Norris!!!

  175. Bruno says:

    Chuck Norris has managed to copulate with a Mongoose.
    14 months later was born Steven Seagal…

  176. Bruno says:

    When Chuck Norris piss into the wind, the wind changes direction.

  177. Bruno says:

    Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, this is why there is no signs of life there.

  178. Bruno says:

    Chuck Norris can slam a closed door

  179. Bruno says:

    Chuck Norris one day swallows a whole pack of sleeping pills… He just blinked.

  180. Hey! Not sure if this website is still in use, but I love to use your API! Do you think it would be possible to add multiple translations to the jokes? I’d love to help with translating them and use them for my projects!

  181. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris can not be sentenced to death as there is no executioner with enough courage.

  182. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris was only a boy when he created the moon while playing with sand on the beach

  183. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris knows what’s inside Pandora’s Box because he putted there.

  184. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris’ birth is the cause of the Big Bang.

  185. Centurion says:

    It is a public secret that Chuck Norris is responsible for the Google index; web crawlers have never existed, never.

  186. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris knows his bible because he wrote it as an essay at school during social studies

  187. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris never gets the flue as his white blood cells would roundhouse kick the parasites.

  188. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris creates his programs in assembler with a microphone. Always faultless.

  189. Centurion says:

    No-parking zones are reserved for Chuck Norris.

  190. Centurion says:

    Historians have found out that it was Chuck Norris who told Copernicus that earth was not the center of the universe, but Chuck Norris.

  191. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick at any height because he eats Higgs bosons for breakfast

  192. Centurion says:

    No dentist dare to treat Chuck Norris, not of fear but his teeth are genetic made of aggregated diamond nanorod material

  193. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris’ toenails are used to armor the presidential limousine

  194. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris was not aware of World War I ans II until one day before they ended.

  195. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris solved the Last Riddle of Fermat while he was restoring information from /dev/null which solved

  196. Centurion says:

    EDIT PREVIOUS:

    Chuck Norris solved the Last Riddle of Fermat while he was restoring information from /dev/null

  197. Centurion says:

    Chuck Norris buried his shortcomings on Oak Island

  198. Centurion says:

    Death knows only people who met Chuck Norris

  199. Centurion says:

    In the summer of the year 410 Chuck Norris left Italy

  200. Centurion says:

    En nou ben ik er klaar mee (english: I am finished, want more beer)

  201. Meow says:

    Dinasours never came to extinction, Chuck
    Norris came to existence

  202. GhastDude589 says:

    The roundhouse kick was a squarehouse kick, until Chuck Norris came along

  203. […] awful brawls, but all of those surely bow down to this black belt champion clash. All the cheesy Chuck Norris jokes aside, horrendous dialogue and tone-deaf acting during this three-on-one front porch frenzy turned […]

  204. Nebiyu Esayas says:

    If doctors ever predict when Chuck Norris dies, the world will end. Mainly because Chuck will end the world after hearing it. Chuck. Cannot. Die. EVER.

  205. Jamie Steinfeld says:

    Chuck Norris never receives head! YOU always receive the wiener!

  206. Jamie Steinfeld says:

    The earth is experiencing global warming because Chuck Norris is working out more!

  207. Jamie Steinfeld says:

    Chuck Norris never gives a wrong answer, YOU misspoke your question!

  208. Jamie Steinfeld says:

    Well of course Chuck Norris was breast fed, his mom couldn’t help herself and no woman thereafter!

  209. […] Ska fungera enbart till att hänga på Tekniksaker.se (och kanske några andra intressanta webbsidor). […]

  210. Nick says:

    I once tried to use Chuck Norris as my password. The site said password too strong!

  211. Debbie Solomon says:

    I love Chuck Norris

  212. TacoTurtle says:

    when Chuck Norris plays angry birds, the pigs kill themselves out of fear and Chuck Norris gets four stars.

  213. TacoTurtle says:

    when Chuck Norris does push ups, he pushes the earth down.

  214. TacoTurtle says:

    Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.

  215. TacoTurtle says:

    inside Chuck Norris is a smaller, tougher Chuck Norris.

  216. TacoTurtle says:

    There is no global warming, Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned up the sun.

  217. TacoTurtle says:

    Chuck Norris promised to never go skydiving again, one Grand Canyon is enough.

  218. TacoTurtle says:

    Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

  219. dave says:

    Chuck Norris looked at the sun and the sun went blind.

  220. mike says:

    Chuck Noris was once bit by a viper. 5 days later the viper died.

    Chuck Noris pulled out a gun and killed an army of 50000. Then he started shooting.

    Chuck Noris once killed two stones with one bird.

  221. Tagen Ferguson says:

    Chuck moreis is so fast he can run around the world and punch him self in the head

  222. Boogie says:

    Chuck Norris can factor large primes in O(1).
    ——–
    Black holes cannot escape Chuck Norris.
    ——–
    The universe isn’t expanding – it’s running away from Chuck Norris.

  223. Boogie says:

    The kernel panics because of Chuck Norris.
    ———
    Chuck Norris can impregnate inanimate objects.
    ———
    Singularities are created when massive stars collapse under the gaze of Chuck Norris.
    ———

  224. Boogie says:

    Chuck Norris can modify immutable objects.
    ———
    Chuck Norris once caught Ebola. He didn’t release it until it apologized.
    ———
    The particles at the LHC are accelerated by the sheer fury of Chuck Norris

  225. Boogie says:

    Chuck Norris’s massive awesomeness creates a singularity. This is why nothing can escape Chuck Norris.

  226. JimLax says:

    Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

  227. Boogie says:

    Chuck Norris code does not have race conditions. It always wins!

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