Chuck Noris who?
Sorry, jokes over when Chuck Noris gets involved!
once chuck Norris brought his cat to the dog park, the next day it was the national pet cemetery and his cat was the guard
Chuck Norris doesn’t get up in the morning, put on his boots, and get ready for work; he gets up expecting his boots to already be on while his work gets ready for him!
Haha, thanks. I’ll add them to the collection.
Chuck Norris doesn’t win, he allows you to loose.
To figure out how many women Chuck Norris has been with, ask him, take the number he gives you, and divide it by zero.
How do I download the jokes from your repository into a file?? Plz help..
By doing that, you lose the advantage of the remote hosting and the up-to-date database, but if you really want to: just fetch http://api.icndb.com/jokes/ (results into all jokes as JSON format).
Chuck Norris told the Most Interesting Man in the World that he can only drink Dos Equis.
If you are using other first and lastname,
some jokes will fail.
CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
CNN was originally created as the “Robin Böhm Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
May fix there? Something link
fistname.charAt(0).upperCase() + lastname.charAt(0).upperCase()
Yeah, good point. Although the joke does not really make sense of you make it “RBN was originally created as the “Robin Böhm Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.”. This actually is a joke which is not suited for other names than Chuck Norris.
First of all thank you for creating such beautiful database of Chuck Norris Jokes and for creating such web services so others can use it on various platform.
I made an application using your JSON API in Android in which jokes are coming from your webservices in real time and I counted that there are total 567 jokes are there in the database. Can you please upload more?
Here is my link to the application on Google Play Chuck Norris Jokes on Google Play
I also mention your website in app description and in credits in application for providing such large database of jokes.
Thanks for contributing! I’ll try to add some more in the future, when I find time :)
Was hoping to add to the joke list with a few of my own
1) Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s Secret
2) On his 16th birthday,Chuck Norris turned 21 and could legally drink.
Chuck Norris can restore an Oracle database.
Here’s two of my faves. Chuck Norris once pitched a no hitter from the bullpen. Chuck Norris wrestled an anaconda for five hours before he realized he was masturbating.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ beard…just another fist.
Tornados occur when Chuck Norris sneezes.
There’s a LOT of nerdsville/SHIT Chuck Norris jokes on there…
The big ones are shite!!!
Check some of these out…
Chuck Norris can understand women.
Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
Sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
Chuck Norris can speak Russian in Chinese.
Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.
Chuck Norris can open a tin of paint with his dick.
Chuck Norris’s dog pick’s up his own shit because Chuck Norris does take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, now they’re called The Islands!
Specsavers should have gone to Chuck Norris.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – Twice.
Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it!
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month, they bleed for a week because of it.
Chuck Norris gives the sun cancer.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris won XFactor using sign language.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Alcohol has a Chuck Norris problem.
Chuck Norris got a Big Mac at Burger King.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris can beat Madeleine Mccann at hide & seek.
Chuck Norris is the only guy to read twilight & not be gay.
Jesus may be able to walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Chuck Norris can tell a black joke without looking over his shoulder.
Kyle Minogue wishes she had an ass like Chuck Norris.
If you flip over China its says made by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can see around corners with his penis.
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from a pear tree & make the best god damm lemonade you’ve ever tasted.
Haha, nice ones :D
He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris laughs for the last time.
…I can actually imagine that…
…Nah, I can’t.
Actully I can.
How’d he get an eye in his penis then? Did he have sex with his own face? Did he evolve? Or is it because he’s chuck norris?
Chuck Norris can’t beat a game unless he cheats because being Chuck Norris is a cheat.
Chuck Norris beat the story line a game with no story line.
When zombies bite Chuck Norris, zombies become Chuck Norris
when zombies bite Chuck Norris, they become alive again.
Chuck Norris CAN have his cake and eat it too.
Why does the wind blow you might ask? Chuck Norris breathes.
Everybody farts, But only Chuck Norris can break wind.
In space, Chuck Norris can hear you scream.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to kill time. Time just runs away.
Bright light before you die = glint from Chuck Norris’s pearly whites
Chuck Norris isn’t as good as Bruce Lee
at what? speaking chinese?
you have a spelling error. “CHick norris?”
chick Norris is a real person her original name was chuck Norris but the first chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her so hard she changed her name and gender
haha you replyed two days after my birthday
Chuck Norris does not wear a black belt. He wears a live black momba.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. Because Chuck Norris allowed it.
In the beginning God created the heaven, the earth, and everything inside them including Chuck Norris. Because Chuck Norris allowed it.
Burger King once had 2 Chuck Norris based menu items. The Knuckle Sandwich and the Roundhouse Kickers. However they were removed due to the increase in dentures among customers
If Chuck Norris sees his shadow, ya have 6 weeks to live
Poison ivy itches after Chuck Norris touches it.
when chuck Norris uses the expression “when pigs fly” the entire evolutionary chain changes out of fear
The dinosaurs crossed Chuck Norris once. Once
Chuck Norris once had sex with an dinosaur…
Godzilla was the outcome.
Nice quality collection! A few too many programmer-inside facts
for my taste, since I can’t understand ’em! But it’s all good.
May I submit some of mine, and if so how, and if so is there a
character limit? As some recently catalogued facts require a
small paragraph to say.
I haven’t come around updating the API for several years, but maybe I should do that one of these days :) Anyway, if you want to suggest some jokes, just post them here in the comments. Haven’t thought about a character limit yet, I’ll see what it gives.
chuck norris dad didnt make chuck norris chuck norris made himself
Very prompt reply for not having been on here for several
years, admin; cheers! Two things of some urgency: a) I noticed
on another page of this site that CNFs (Chuck Norris facts)
were reffered to as ‘jokes.’ Now that’s fine, so long as your
goal is a roundhouse kick to the face. For your own saftey,
beware ridiculing Chuck. Everyone knows, there are no Chuck
Norris jokes, only Chuck Norris facts. And b) What’s this I see
about substituting your own name in a CNF??? Good lord, are
you searching for new methods of commiting suicide?? This idea
is tantamount to sacrilege, as I’m sure all will agree. Before
the bodies pile up any higher, this ridiculous option must be
discontinued, and Chuck’s forgiveness ardently begged for. In
fact, it may be too late for you, but perhaps you can still
save this site, if you act fast. Godspeed, poor, foolish boy.
Our prayers shall be with thee. And as a final piece of advice,
may I just suggest that you keep a sharp eye for roundhouses.
Chuck Norris can lock a safe and keep the key inside it.
HE DOESNT USE KEYS
he closes anything with the nail of his pink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t fly,the sky crawls under chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can send text messages via a public telephone
Chuck Norris dropped his used condem in the sewer, 9 months later the ninja turtle’s were born!
Shit is funny
Chuck Norris isn’t Shit…
Be careful with your words.
Also, Chuck norris makes fun of shit, and then shit burns itself down.
God didn’t work on Sunday because Chuck Norris told him to stop making noise on his day off
Please update the categorizations on the jokes. Specifically need to add the explicit tag to a number of jokes. We had to remove our dashboard widget because of complaints.
That’s like, a really bad joke, and no Chuck Norris in it. 5/7
[…] a website using my first ever API!!!! Whaaaat?! That’s official programmer-stuff! I found a Chuck Norris joke database, that supplied a JSONP API that I decided to use. The internet is a crazy […]
“lel”? you mean LOL
Chuck Norris can use the number 2 in binary code.
chuck Norris’s computer doesn’t freeze because of slow internet, it freezes out of terror
Chuck Norris’s computer never freezes.
He has The Titan as his computer.
chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in
when I told my mom I beat chuck Norris in a fighting game, she told me to stop telling lies
When I played a fighting game with Chuck Norris I
deliberately let him win.
Not that I had a cance anyways…
I heard that Chuck Norris can pick Oranges from an Apple tree, and make the best goddamn Lemonade you’ve ever tasted…
Chuck Norris captured all Pokemon in Pokemon Go…
…using a landline.
Chuck Norris can play Star Spangled Banner in D-minor on a vuvuzela.
when chuck Norris visited the cold arctic, he melted through to china.
When two sumos fight in arena, Chuck Norris always wins.
Chuck Norris once said to Wolverine, ‘Hey Wolvie, aren’t 4 claws a little too much?’ Since then, Wolverine uses 3 claws only.
Chuck Norris’s computer doesn’t have autocorrect because know one tells chuck Norris he’s wrong
Chuck Norris doesn’t play hide and seek he plays hide and pray I don’t find you
Loving it guys try this one on for size
Chuck Norris puts sunglasses on to protect the sun from his eyes
If Chuck Norris looked in the mirror, the reflection would come out of the mirror and build a mountain called mount. norris and on top of it there would be a temple for chuck norris and olny he would be able to reach it.
Here’s some more jokes to add to your collection!
Superman and Chuck Norris once had an arm wrestling contest. The loser had to wear their underpants on the outside.
Chuck Norris has been to Mars, why else is there no life there?
What the Bible doesn’t say is that Mary had twins when Jesus was born. The second child was Chuck Norris.
Apollo 13 screwed up because Chuck Norris was getting bored.
Chuck Norris already caught’em all, on a home phone!
At E3, they left Chuck Norris to try out the new game Terraria. When they got back, he was playing it in 3D.
The roundhouse kick was invented when Chuck Norris slipped on a banana peel. It wasn’t how his foot flew upwards, it was his reaction to the banana.
Did I forget to mention…
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his faucet, he stares at it until it cries.
When you see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris sees you. When you can’t see Chuck Norris, you’re probably seconds away from death.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Saturn was created when Chuck Norris proposed to Gena.
Chuck Norris made the sun by rubbing his hands together.
Chuck Norris urinated in a truck once as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Legos were invented when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a plastic factory.
Chuck Norris was invited to fight the strongest man in the world. Then he realized that it would be stupid to fight himself.
that makes no since at all lol
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet. It’s not dead, it’s just too afraid to move
Hurricanes evacuate from Chuck Norris
lolololololol i have been laughing till tears flow uncontrollably. now everyone in the office think i’m high. love these jokes. tnx xo much
So I walked pass CN once, and didnt realize it because he shined too bright.
The darkness is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in one move by moving his pawn named Check Norris!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chuck Norris’ teacher gave an assignment telling what courage realy is so he turned in a blank paper with his name at the top and got an A+
death once had a near-chuck experience!!!!!!!
chuck norris died 20 years ago, the only problem was that the grim-reaper was too scared to tell him
the round-house kick was named when chuck norris round-house kicked a house so hard it turned into a circle
Lance Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, Chuck Norris was the first man to walk on the sun.
P.S. He owns a cabon on the sun.
Once Chuck Norris fought deadpool. He permenantly became a dead pool
why does it rain? chuck Norris pees
If I called Chuck Norris a girlyman how long do you think it would argggg arggg argggggggggg!” Chuck killed me. “
Chuck Nortis jumped from the top of a building,the ground dide’nt make it.
Chuck fought superman in a bet the loser had to wear underpants on the outside
Chuck fought superman in a bet the loser had to wear underpants on the outside of his pants
Chuck Norris passed his calculus class by walking in, grabbing the wall, and throwing it at the teacher.
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