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20 Responses to The Jokes

  1. TV says:

    Knock knock,
    Whos there?
    Chuck Noris!
    Chuck Noris who?
    …?
    Sorry, jokes over when Chuck Noris gets involved!

  2. TV says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t get up in the morning, put on his boots, and get ready for work; he gets up expecting his boots to already be on while his work gets ready for him!

  3. Chuck Norris says:

    Chuck Norris doesn’t win, he allows you to loose.

  4. Snackbar says:

    To figure out how many women Chuck Norris has been with, ask him, take the number he gives you, and divide it by zero.

  5. Sowmya says:

    How do I download the jokes from your repository into a file?? Plz help..

  6. Mike says:

    Chuck Norris told the Most Interesting Man in the World that he can only drink Dos Equis.

  7. Robin Böhm says:

    If you are using other first and lastname,
    some jokes will fail.

    CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

    CNN was originally created as the “Robin Böhm Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

    May fix there? Something link

    PeusdoCode e.g.
    fistname.charAt(0).upperCase() + lastname.charAt(0).upperCase()

    Rob

    • admin says:

      Yeah, good point. Although the joke does not really make sense of you make it “RBN was originally created as the “Robin Böhm Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.”. This actually is a joke which is not suited for other names than Chuck Norris.

  8. Daksh says:

    First of all thank you for creating such beautiful database of Chuck Norris Jokes and for creating such web services so others can use it on various platform.

    I made an application using your JSON API in Android in which jokes are coming from your webservices in real time and I counted that there are total 567 jokes are there in the database. Can you please upload more?

    Here is my link to the application on Google Play Chuck Norris Jokes on Google Play

    I also mention your website in app description and in credits in application for providing such large database of jokes.

  9. Jason smith says:

    Was hoping to add to the joke list with a few of my own

    1) Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s Secret

    Or

    2) On his 16th birthday,Chuck Norris turned 21 and could legally drink.

  10. Tomer says:

    Chuck Norris can restore an Oracle database.

  11. Lance C says:

    Here’s two of my faves. Chuck Norris once pitched a no hitter from the bullpen. Chuck Norris wrestled an anaconda for five hours before he realized he was masturbating.

  12. Jacob Duncan says:

    There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ beard…just another fist.

  13. Richard Futch says:

    Tornados occur when Chuck Norris sneezes.

  14. Mr T says:

    There’s a LOT of nerdsville/SHIT Chuck Norris jokes on there…

    The big ones are shite!!!

    Check some of these out…

    ….

    Chuck Norris can understand women.

    Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.

    Sharks have a Chuck Norris week.

    Chuck Norris can speak Russian in Chinese.

    Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.

    Chuck Norris can open a tin of paint with his dick.

    Chuck Norris’s dog pick’s up his own shit because Chuck Norris does take shit from anyone.

    Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

    Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, now they’re called The Islands!

    Specsavers should have gone to Chuck Norris.

    When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity – Twice.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it!

    Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month, they bleed for a week because of it.

    Chuck Norris gives the sun cancer.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

    Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

    Chuck Norris won XFactor using sign language.

    Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

    Alcohol has a Chuck Norris problem.

    Chuck Norris got a Big Mac at Burger King.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    Chuck Norris can beat Madeleine Mccann at hide & seek.

    Chuck Norris is the only guy to read twilight & not be gay.

    Jesus may be able to walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.

    Chuck Norris can tell a black joke without looking over his shoulder.

    Kyle Minogue wishes she had an ass like Chuck Norris.

    If you flip over China its says made by Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can see around corners with his penis.

    Chuck Norris can pick an apple from a pear tree & make the best god damm lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

  15. Larry M. says:

    Chuck Norris can’t beat a game unless he cheats because being Chuck Norris is a cheat.

    Chuck Norris beat the story line a game with no story line.

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