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© 2012 The Internet Chuck Norris Database
Knock knock,
Whos there?
Chuck Noris!
Chuck Noris who?
…?
Sorry, jokes over when Chuck Noris gets involved!
once chuck Norris brought his cat to the dog park, the next day it was the national pet cemetery and his cat was the guard
no he had a pet banana!
Chuck Norris doesn’t get up in the morning, put on his boots, and get ready for work; he gets up expecting his boots to already be on while his work gets ready for him!
Haha, thanks. I’ll add them to the collection.
Chuck Norris doesn’t win, he allows you to loose.
To figure out how many women Chuck Norris has been with, ask him, take the number he gives you, and divide it by zero.
How do I download the jokes from your repository into a file?? Plz help..
By doing that, you lose the advantage of the remote hosting and the up-to-date database, but if you really want to: just fetch http://api.icndb.com/jokes/ (results into all jokes as JSON format).
Chuck Norris told the Most Interesting Man in the World that he can only drink Dos Equis.
Chuck Norris Is the best you will ever see
If you are using other first and lastname,
some jokes will fail.
CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
CNN was originally created as the “Robin Böhm Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
May fix there? Something link
PeusdoCode e.g.
fistname.charAt(0).upperCase() + lastname.charAt(0).upperCase()
Rob
Yeah, good point. Although the joke does not really make sense of you make it “RBN was originally created as the “Robin Böhm Network” to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.”. This actually is a joke which is not suited for other names than Chuck Norris.
First of all thank you for creating such beautiful database of Chuck Norris Jokes and for creating such web services so others can use it on various platform.
I made an application using your JSON API in Android in which jokes are coming from your webservices in real time and I counted that there are total 567 jokes are there in the database. Can you please upload more?
Here is my link to the application on Google Play Chuck Norris Jokes on Google Play
I also mention your website in app description and in credits in application for providing such large database of jokes.
Hi Daksh,
Thanks for contributing! I’ll try to add some more in the future, when I find time :)
Was hoping to add to the joke list with a few of my own
1) Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s Secret
Or
2) On his 16th birthday,Chuck Norris turned 21 and could legally drink.
Chuck Norris can restore an Oracle database.
Here’s two of my faves. Chuck Norris once pitched a no hitter from the bullpen. Chuck Norris wrestled an anaconda for five hours before he realized he was masturbating.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ beard…just another fist.
Tornados occur when Chuck Norris sneezes.
There’s a LOT of nerdsville/SHIT Chuck Norris jokes on there…
The big ones are shite!!!
Check some of these out…
….
Chuck Norris can understand women.
Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
Sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
Chuck Norris can speak Russian in Chinese.
Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.
Chuck Norris can open a tin of paint with his dick.
Chuck Norris’s dog pick’s up his own shit because Chuck Norris does take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, now they’re called The Islands!
Specsavers should have gone to Chuck Norris.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity – Twice.
Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it!
Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month, they bleed for a week because of it.
Chuck Norris gives the sun cancer.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris won XFactor using sign language.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Alcohol has a Chuck Norris problem.
Chuck Norris got a Big Mac at Burger King.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris can beat Madeleine Mccann at hide & seek.
Chuck Norris is the only guy to read twilight & not be gay.
Jesus may be able to walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Chuck Norris can tell a black joke without looking over his shoulder.
Kyle Minogue wishes she had an ass like Chuck Norris.
If you flip over China its says made by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can see around corners with his penis.
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from a pear tree & make the best god damm lemonade you’ve ever tasted.
Haha, nice ones :D
He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris laughs for the last time.
Noice, Marco.
…I can actually imagine that…
…Nah, I can’t.
Actully I can.
How’d he get an eye in his penis then? Did he have sex with his own face? Did he evolve? Or is it because he’s chuck norris?
Thanks for sharing….laughed to tears :-)
– the boogeyman looks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
– when Chuck Norris is in water he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can’t beat a game unless he cheats because being Chuck Norris is a cheat.
Chuck Norris beat the story line a game with no story line.
When zombies bite Chuck Norris, zombies become Chuck Norris
you mean:
when zombies bite Chuck Norris, they become alive again.
Chuck Norris CAN have his cake and eat it too.
Why does the wind blow you might ask? Chuck Norris breathes.
Everybody farts, But only Chuck Norris can break wind.
In space, Chuck Norris can hear you scream.
Chuck Norris can breathe in space!
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to kill time. Time just runs away.
Bright light before you die = glint from Chuck Norris’s pearly whites
Chuck Norris isn’t as good as Bruce Lee
at what? speaking chinese?
lol
Lol, hommie is lit than that.
Bruce Lee didn’t defeat Chuck Norris in their fight (1972). It just took a year for the damage to catch up with Lee (RIP in 1973).
you have a spelling error. “CHick norris?”
chick Norris is a real person her original name was chuck Norris but the first chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her so hard she changed her name and gender
haha you replyed two days after my birthday
Chuck Norris does not wear a black belt. He wears a live black momba.
In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. Because Chuck Norris allowed it.
In the beginning God created the heaven, the earth, and everything inside them including Chuck Norris. Because Chuck Norris allowed it.
Burger King once had 2 Chuck Norris based menu items. The Knuckle Sandwich and the Roundhouse Kickers. However they were removed due to the increase in dentures among customers
If Chuck Norris sees his shadow, ya have 6 weeks to live
Poison ivy itches after Chuck Norris touches it.
when chuck Norris uses the expression “when pigs fly” the entire evolutionary chain changes out of fear
The dinosaurs crossed Chuck Norris once. Once
Chuck Norris once had sex with an dinosaur…
Godzilla was the outcome.
Nice quality collection! A few too many programmer-inside facts
for my taste, since I can’t understand ’em! But it’s all good.
May I submit some of mine, and if so how, and if so is there a
character limit? As some recently catalogued facts require a
small paragraph to say.
I haven’t come around updating the API for several years, but maybe I should do that one of these days :) Anyway, if you want to suggest some jokes, just post them here in the comments. Haven’t thought about a character limit yet, I’ll see what it gives.
Dinosaurs never came to extinction, Chuck Norris came to existence
chuck norris dad didnt make chuck norris chuck norris made himself
Very prompt reply for not having been on here for several
years, admin; cheers! Two things of some urgency: a) I noticed
on another page of this site that CNFs (Chuck Norris facts)
were reffered to as ‘jokes.’ Now that’s fine, so long as your
goal is a roundhouse kick to the face. For your own saftey,
beware ridiculing Chuck. Everyone knows, there are no Chuck
Norris jokes, only Chuck Norris facts. And b) What’s this I see
about substituting your own name in a CNF??? Good lord, are
you searching for new methods of commiting suicide?? This idea
is tantamount to sacrilege, as I’m sure all will agree. Before
the bodies pile up any higher, this ridiculous option must be
discontinued, and Chuck’s forgiveness ardently begged for. In
fact, it may be too late for you, but perhaps you can still
save this site, if you act fast. Godspeed, poor, foolish boy.
Our prayers shall be with thee. And as a final piece of advice,
may I just suggest that you keep a sharp eye for roundhouses.
Chuck Norris can lock a safe and keep the key inside it.
HE DOESNT USE KEYS
he closes anything with the nail of his pink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t fly,the sky crawls under chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can send text messages via a public telephone
Chuck Norris dropped his used condem in the sewer, 9 months later the ninja turtle’s were born!
Shit is funny
Chuck Norris isn’t Shit…
Be careful with your words.
Also, Chuck norris makes fun of shit, and then shit burns itself down.
God didn’t work on Sunday because Chuck Norris told him to stop making noise on his day off
Please update the categorizations on the jokes. Specifically need to add the explicit tag to a number of jokes. We had to remove our dashboard widget because of complaints.
That’s like, a really bad joke, and no Chuck Norris in it. 5/7
[…] a website using my first ever API!!!! Whaaaat?! That’s official programmer-stuff! I found a Chuck Norris joke database, that supplied a JSONP API that I decided to use. The internet is a crazy […]
Lel
“lel”? you mean LOL
Chuck Norris can use the number 2 in binary code.
chuck Norris’s computer doesn’t freeze because of slow internet, it freezes out of terror
Chuck Norris’s computer never freezes.
He has The Titan as his computer.
chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in
when I told my mom I beat chuck Norris in a fighting game, she told me to stop telling lies
When I played a fighting game with Chuck Norris I
deliberately let him win.
Not that I had a cance anyways…
Chuck Norris doesn’t play games.
I heard that Chuck Norris can pick Oranges from an Apple tree, and make the best goddamn Lemonade you’ve ever tasted…
Chuck Norris captured all Pokemon in Pokemon Go…
…using a landline.
Chuck Norris captured all Pokemon in Pokemon Go…
…using a 24k modem… 30 years ago…
Chuck Norris can play Star Spangled Banner in D-minor on a vuvuzela.
when chuck Norris visited the cold arctic, he melted through to china.
When two sumos fight in arena, Chuck Norris always wins.
Chuck Norris once said to Wolverine, ‘Hey Wolvie, aren’t 4 claws a little too much?’ Since then, Wolverine uses 3 claws only.
Chuck Norris’s computer doesn’t have autocorrect because know one tells chuck Norris he’s wrong
Chuck Norris doesn’t play hide and seek he plays hide and pray I don’t find you
Loving it guys try this one on for size
Chuck Norris puts sunglasses on to protect the sun from his eyes
If Chuck Norris looked in the mirror, the reflection would come out of the mirror and build a mountain called mount. norris and on top of it there would be a temple for chuck norris and olny he would be able to reach it.
Here’s some more jokes to add to your collection!
Superman and Chuck Norris once had an arm wrestling contest. The loser had to wear their underpants on the outside.
Chuck Norris has been to Mars, why else is there no life there?
What the Bible doesn’t say is that Mary had twins when Jesus was born. The second child was Chuck Norris.
Apollo 13 screwed up because Chuck Norris was getting bored.
Chuck Norris already caught’em all, on a home phone!
At E3, they left Chuck Norris to try out the new game Terraria. When they got back, he was playing it in 3D.
The roundhouse kick was invented when Chuck Norris slipped on a banana peel. It wasn’t how his foot flew upwards, it was his reaction to the banana.
Did I forget to mention…
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his faucet, he stares at it until it cries.
When you see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris sees you. When you can’t see Chuck Norris, you’re probably seconds away from death.
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Saturn was created when Chuck Norris proposed to Gena.
Chuck Norris made the sun by rubbing his hands together.
Chuck Norris urinated in a truck once as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Legos were invented when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a plastic factory.
Chuck Norris was invited to fight the strongest man in the world. Then he realized that it would be stupid to fight himself.
Chuck Norris had to sub for Atlas one time, but instead of holding the world with his arm and shoulder, he use his right pinky finger.
eww
that makes no since at all lol
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet. It’s not dead, it’s just too afraid to move
Hurricanes evacuate from Chuck Norris
lolololololol i have been laughing till tears flow uncontrollably. now everyone in the office think i’m high. love these jokes. tnx xo much
So I walked pass CN once, and didnt realize it because he shined too bright.
The darkness is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can win a game of chess in one move by moving his pawn named Check Norris!!!!!!!!!!!!
u suk
When chuck norris plays chess, he only uses the king and queen because all the other pieces get in his way and then gives the pieces to his opponent because they need all the help they can get. Once the game commences it is over after the first move…
not after HIS first move, but after THE first move, and he always defers the first move (again to give his opponent all the help they can get)
In chucks lengthy chess career he has racked up a record of 1858-0…
without touching a single chess piece…
except to hand his extras to his opponent
Chuck Norris’ teacher gave an assignment telling what courage realy is so he turned in a blank paper with his name at the top and got an A+
Chuck Norris doesn’t have teachers. He knows all.
death once had a near-chuck experience!!!!!!!
chuck norris died 20 years ago, the only problem was that the grim-reaper was too scared to tell him
the round-house kick was named when chuck norris round-house kicked a house so hard it turned into a circle
Lance Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, Chuck Norris was the first man to walk on the sun.
P.S. He owns a cabon on the sun.
it was neil armstrong not lance armstrong!
I believe you meant Neil Armstrong and cabin.
It’s Neil Armstrong, lance Armstrong is the bycicle racer that Used steroids to win tour de France several times and then lost a nut to cancer
Chuck norris roundhouse kicks lance Armstrong for trying to claim the title of “first man to walk on the moon” restores the title to its “rightful” owner NEIL ARMSTRONG and proceeds to beat the ever living Hell out of lance Armstrong reminding him that cheating doesn’t pay incase he forgot about the whole “livestrong” fiasco
That would be Neil Armstrong
Neil Armostrong, you fool.
Lance Armstrong is a digraced cyclist.
Neil ARMSTRONG
Lance Armstrong?
Once Chuck Norris fought deadpool. He permenantly became a dead pool
why does it rain? chuck Norris pees
If I called Chuck Norris a girlyman how long do you think it would argggg arggg argggggggggg!” Chuck killed me. “
Chuck Nortis jumped from the top of a building,the ground dide’nt make it.
Get it right… ;)
Chuck Norris doesn’t jump… he pushes the planet away for a brief moment…
Chuck fought superman in a bet the loser had to wear underpants on the outside
Chuck fought superman in a bet the loser had to wear underpants on the outside of his pants
Chuck Norris passed his calculus class by walking in, grabbing the wall, and throwing it at the teacher.
Chuck Norris’s mayonnaise is an instrument.
One time ago, Chuck Norris was bitten by the big black King Cobra. Three hours later, the King Cobra died
[…] The Jokes […]
[…] The Jokes […]
[…] The Jokes […]
[…] The Jokes […]
chuck norris played collage football in high school
the big bang theory was chuck norris cracking his knuckles
chuck norris went to mars once… that is why there are no signs of life there
Chuck Norris does not need close quarters marksmanship training. When he walks into a room with armed terrorists, everyone immediately dies in fright.
There once was a man from Nantucket…Chuck Norris paralyzed him from the neck down.
Chuck Norris and a group of cowboys were talking about how tough each of them are at a campfire. One said “I got hit by a horse with both hooves at the same time.” Second one said “I had a pissed off bull gore me in the side.” The third said “I got shot twice in the chest…almost died.” Chuck said nothing while stirring the coals of the fire with his penis.
Shang Tsung learned how to steal souls from Chuck Norris
Midway attempted to put Chuck Norris into Mortal Kombat but decided against it due to programming errors with each button performing a roundhouse kick. When asked about this glitch Chuck said “What glitch?”
God allowed Chuck Norris to be created as the deterrent against the Anti-Christ. Why else has all the doomsday predictions since he was born proven to be false?
Chuck Norris created universe and god in a roundhouse kick,and then kicked god so much faster than the speed of light god went back to the time Norris created the universe and then history repeats itself
Chuck Norris once asked KoRn If they were ready
Chuck Norris trims his razor with his beard.
Chuck Norris doesn’t turn the light off, he turns the darkness on.
chuck Norris got his drivers license by starring at a car
Chuck Norris spends his holidays slicing fruitcake with his penis and feeding it to hungry children. Have a merry Christmas!
When medusa looks at you you turn to stone, when chuck norris looks at you you turn into dust.
It never gets foggy around Chuck Norris. But sometimes he allows the clouds to come down and be near him.
(As far as I know, this is an original one I thought up).
Adam and Eve were kicked out of paradise because Chuck Norris moved in.
Chuck Norris once looked sick in the face, then sick ran away.
Chuck Norris was once close to death, then he let go of death’s throat.
Chuck Norris once played hide’n’seek when he was 15. He was found when he was 47. How? He hid on The Sun.
Sadly though, as he was found, the seeker burnt because of the intense heat.
Have you a God complex? well God has a Chuck Norris complex
In the evening Chuck Norris put a mousetrap. In the morning he ate bearmeat.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people… Then the grenade blew up
Chuck Norris was bit by a rattlesnake. After 7 days of excruciating pain, the rattlesnake died.
Why?
WHY DOES He raondHaose Kik YOU?
…
Chuck Norris never eats honey, he chews the bees!
I did the google search. It came up with 983,000 results.
Chuck Norris caused an E5 tornado by looking back
Chuck Norris tried smoking but the cigarette quit
Chuck Norris does not pee urine, Chuck Norris pees blood.
Chuck Norris does not flush his toilet, his toilet flushes for him in fear.
omg a swear a swear!!!! agggghhhhhh
Chuck Norris is so tough, it took Bruce Lee nearly 20 minutes to kill him
When Chuck Norris masturbates, he’s uses a mixture of comet and brillo pads.
CHUCK NORRIS turned medusa to stone then ate her with whipped cream.
When CHUCK NORRIS enlisted to the army not one shot was fired the enemy ran in terror of CHUCK NORRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHUCK NORRIS WOKE UP THE SLEEPINGBAG.
sharks were created when chuck norris down cutted a whale!
Chuck norris has already been to mars, thats why there are no signs of life there.
Loved these ones..
When Chuck goes on a hike, the grizzly bears watch out for him.
When Chuck Norris jumps in the water, the sharks get out of the ocean.
Chuck Norris must be a forgiving man, after all, Jesus came back.
Chuck Norris can’t fight ISIS, it just wouldn’t be fair.
In 1945, the U.S. Dropped a Chuck Norris over Hiroshima.
Once upon a time, Chuck Norris.
The End.
Lastly,
Chuck Norris uses a magnifying glass to burn the sun
How many push-ups Chuck Norris does when he is working-out?
He does all of them.
chuck norris is the only one that can touch mc hammer
chuck norris has a bear rug its not dead just scared to move
chuck norris threw a hand grenade killed 100 people then it exploded
Chuck Norris doesn’t have an alcohol problem. Alcohol has a problem with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris started Runescape
with Infinity +1 in all his stats
Yo mama is so stupid she called Chuck Norris ugly… No one has seen her since.
The reason Godzilla is never in the US because Chuck doesnt allow it.
Chuck Norris sounds like a 3 peat.
Chuck Norris can text from a rotary phone.
Chuck Norris uses a binary abacus.
Chuck noris threw a gernade killed 50 people then it exploded
-Prior to 1996, Pfizer, the drug company, experimented with a pill to treat Erectile Dysfunction. However, after trials demonstrated that the main ingredient, Chuck Norris’ sweat, had the unintended side effects of 12 week erections and the unintentional impregnation of every woman who came within 50 feet of the treated man, Pfizer quietly changed the formula to use mainly Sildenafil Citrate – giving us, in 1998, what we know today as ‘Viagra.’
-When a man gazes at Medusa, that man turns to stone. When Chuck Norris gazes at Medusa, Medusa gets pregnant.
Hi,I read your new stuff named “The Jokes | The Internet Chuck Norris Database” daily.Your story-telling style is witty, keep up the good work! And you can look our website about proxy server list.
Chuck Norris once had two pets a lizard and a fish which are now known as Godzilla and jaws
Chuck Norris can cut a hot knife with a stick of butter
Some people ride their bike without the handlebars, Chuck Norris rides the handlebars without the bike
Chucks blood type is AK-47
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded
Chuck Norris gives the sun a tan
Chuck once killed 79 terrorists, then flipped off the safety and shot 180 more
Chuck Norris doesn’t give you the wrong answer, you give him the wrong question
The Joke is actually “If Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into The Hulk. If the Hulk gets angry, He turns into Chuck Norris. If Chuck Norris Gets angry, RUN”
the only time chuck Norris was wrong is when he thought he made a mistake
Chuck Norris refers to his ‘friends with benefits’ as just friends as he doesn’t need benefits.
Chuck Norris doesn’t beat around the bush. He beats it.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mind putting all of his eggs in one basket.
I am chuck Norris stop making jokes about me or I’ll round house kick your face
god walks on water chuck norris swims on land
When Chuck Norris plays Call of Duty, he doesn’t need any weapon. He just roundhouse kicks Makarov.
Chuck Norris doesn’t pee urine, he pees gasoline.
When Chuck Norris enters a room full of naked women, they don’t try to cover themselves. They bend over and hope he’ll rape and spare them.
Here is a rewording:
When Chuck Norris enters a room full of naked women, they don’t try to cover themselves. They bend over and hope he’ll take what he wants and not kill them.
There is a reason all the women superheroes (Wonder Woman, Bat-Girl, etc.) are single: they all had sex with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris wanted to have sex with the sexiest girl in the world. So he cloned himeself, made the clone a woman, and had sex with her.
Chuck Norris doesn’t eat. He rips out the nutrients from the food and shoves them up his throat.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a woman, he loosens her hole so much, she cannot have sex with anybody else. These women are called “old maids”.
If Chuck Norris anagramed his name, he’d get “Destroyer of World, Thief of Virginity, and Creator of all things Badass”. If you thinking to yourself “Hey, that’s not his anagramed name!”, you are probably already dead if you’re male, or robbed of your virginity if you’re female.
Chuck Norris pee’d on a flower and it grew up to become the amazon rain forest.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once faced Death. Death got scared and ran away.
Chuck can light a fire with two ice cubes
I’m back!
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s Secret.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck norris looked at a rock in space. It lit on fire and we now know this as the sun
CHUCK NORRIS DOES NOT PRAY TO GOD , GOD PRAYS TO CHUCK INSTEAD !
When chuck norris ejaculates, a fetus comes out.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have a colon, Because he doesn’t take no shit.
Chuck Norris doesnt have a colon, because he doesnt take no shit.
When Chuck Norris ejaculates, a fetus comes out.
Chuck Norris was born on March 10, 1940. Germany surrenders in World War 2 a couple of months later when they receive the news. Coincidence? I think not.
Chuck Norris drinks oil and pisses out diesel fuel.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris does not cry.
There are 7.5 Billion people in the world… people that Chuck Norris is allowing to live.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can answer a Missed Call.
Chuck Norris tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries.
Chuck Norris got an A+ for writing down his name
Chuck Norris eats rice with one chop stick.
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It is considered a great accomplishment to go down niagra falls in a barrel. Chuck norris goes up niagra falls in a cardboard box.
I’m not saying I’m Chuck Norris, only that no one has ever seen Chuck Norris and I at the same time.
The sun wears eclipse glasses when it looks at Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can win Le Tour De France using a hydrocycle.
>> Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.
>> Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.
This is very, very wrong. You’ll anger him. Should be opposite:
1. Chuck Norris can read from an output stream;
2. Chuck Norris can write to an input stream;
Once time a snake bit Chuck Norris, after days of pain and suffering, the snake died
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If Chuck Norris doesn’t seem to give a fuck anymore, i don’t get it, the last time he let someone else use one of his fucks Jesus happened.
When God made Chuck Norris, he used his own DNA.
Hydrogen bombs are human versions of Chuck’s crap.
The Fallout series is a true story. It’s what happens when Chuck Norris finds out they stopped making M1911’s.
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When Chuck Norris was a kid, he slept with Tails Doll every night.
There’s a typo in this one:
“Chuck Norris doesn’t have pubic hairs because hair doesn’t grow on balls of steal.”
It must be “balls of steel”.
Why did Rosa Parks not get up from her seat that day….she was saving it for Chuck Norris!!!
Chuck Norris has managed to copulate with a Mongoose.
14 months later was born Steven Seagal…
When Chuck Norris piss into the wind, the wind changes direction.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, this is why there is no signs of life there.
Chuck Norris can slam a closed door
Chuck Norris one day swallows a whole pack of sleeping pills… He just blinked.
Hey! Not sure if this website is still in use, but I love to use your API! Do you think it would be possible to add multiple translations to the jokes? I’d love to help with translating them and use them for my projects!
Chuck Norris can not be sentenced to death as there is no executioner with enough courage.
Chuck Norris was only a boy when he created the moon while playing with sand on the beach
Chuck Norris knows what’s inside Pandora’s Box because he putted there.
Chuck Norris’ birth is the cause of the Big Bang.
It is a public secret that Chuck Norris is responsible for the Google index; web crawlers have never existed, never.
Chuck Norris knows his bible because he wrote it as an essay at school during social studies
Chuck Norris never gets the flue as his white blood cells would roundhouse kick the parasites.
Chuck Norris creates his programs in assembler with a microphone. Always faultless.
No-parking zones are reserved for Chuck Norris.
Historians have found out that it was Chuck Norris who told Copernicus that earth was not the center of the universe, but Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick at any height because he eats Higgs bosons for breakfast
No dentist dare to treat Chuck Norris, not of fear but his teeth are genetic made of aggregated diamond nanorod material
Chuck Norris’ toenails are used to armor the presidential limousine
Chuck Norris was not aware of World War I ans II until one day before they ended.
Chuck Norris solved the Last Riddle of Fermat while he was restoring information from /dev/null which solved
EDIT PREVIOUS:
Chuck Norris solved the Last Riddle of Fermat while he was restoring information from /dev/null
Chuck Norris buried his shortcomings on Oak Island
Death knows only people who met Chuck Norris
In the summer of the year 410 Chuck Norris left Italy
En nou ben ik er klaar mee (english: I am finished, want more beer)
Dinasours never came to extinction, Chuck
Norris came to existence
The roundhouse kick was a squarehouse kick, until Chuck Norris came along
[…] awful brawls, but all of those surely bow down to this black belt champion clash. All the cheesy Chuck Norris jokes aside, horrendous dialogue and tone-deaf acting during this three-on-one front porch frenzy turned […]
If doctors ever predict when Chuck Norris dies, the world will end. Mainly because Chuck will end the world after hearing it. Chuck. Cannot. Die. EVER.
Chuck Norris never receives head! YOU always receive the wiener!
The earth is experiencing global warming because Chuck Norris is working out more!
Chuck Norris never gives a wrong answer, YOU misspoke your question!
Well of course Chuck Norris was breast fed, his mom couldn’t help herself and no woman thereafter!
[…] Ska fungera enbart till att hänga på Tekniksaker.se (och kanske några andra intressanta webbsidor). […]
I once tried to use Chuck Norris as my password. The site said password too strong!
I love Chuck Norris
when Chuck Norris plays angry birds, the pigs kill themselves out of fear and Chuck Norris gets four stars.
when Chuck Norris does push ups, he pushes the earth down.
Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
inside Chuck Norris is a smaller, tougher Chuck Norris.
There is no global warming, Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned up the sun.
Chuck Norris promised to never go skydiving again, one Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris looked at the sun and the sun went blind.
Chuck Noris was once bit by a viper. 5 days later the viper died.
Chuck Noris pulled out a gun and killed an army of 50000. Then he started shooting.
Chuck Noris once killed two stones with one bird.
[…] The Jokes […]
Chuck moreis is so fast he can run around the world and punch him self in the head
Chuck Norris can factor large primes in O(1).
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Black holes cannot escape Chuck Norris.
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The universe isn’t expanding – it’s running away from Chuck Norris.
The kernel panics because of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can impregnate inanimate objects.
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Singularities are created when massive stars collapse under the gaze of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can modify immutable objects.
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Chuck Norris once caught Ebola. He didn’t release it until it apologized.
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The particles at the LHC are accelerated by the sheer fury of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris’s massive awesomeness creates a singularity. This is why nothing can escape Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris code does not have race conditions. It always wins!
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had already missed three calls from Chuck Norris.